Top Twelve Goals For 2018

January 1, 2018

I don't make resolutions. I make goals -- attainable goals because I don't want to further damage my wobbly self-esteem. Here are my goals, in the form of a top twelve list, for the next 365 days:

 

12. Remember to shave both big toes at least weekly.

 

 11. Don't just sort, wash, and dry the laundry --  also fold it and put it away.

 

 10. Finish reading the 294 books I already own before buying another 294 books.

 

  9. Throw away every mysterious thing wrapped in foil in the refrigerator.

 

  8. Stop wrapping things in foil and sticking them in the refrigerator.

 

  7. Learn the proper use; of a semi-colon.

 

  6. Spend even more time in my pajamas.

 

  5. Update this extremely underwhelming website on a more regular basis for my three followers. 

Okay, my two followers and my mother.

 

  4. See Hamilton in New York City.

 

  3. Do something about my jowls.

 

  2. Stop being so bougie, and start preparing for the coming zombie apocalypse.

 

  1. Have more Jenifer Lewis in my life.

 

You can watch Jenifer, singing with her little buddy Brandy, in the video below. Beware: there are lots of F bombs. Also, their song is my motto for 2018.

 

 

I will if I have to. Don't make me have to.

 

 

 

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