Receiving this certificate was one of the highlights of 2018. Erma Bombeck was one of my favorite writers. To receive recognition from the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition was a thrill. Click here to read my essay.
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Please read this in the event of my untimely death:
I'm just going to put this right here, for lack of a better place to put it. This is so all my friends and loved ones, all three of you, will know what I want when I check out of this earthly realm, and move on to the next great adventure.
This song MUST be played at my funeral, and I want it to be played as everyone (all three of you) file by my casket and marvel at how gorgeous I look in my pajamas, because Pajamas All Day and ALL ETERNITY!!!!
I want to wear the comfortable PJs I was wearing in Henley-on-Thames when that thing happened, and the three of you know what I'm talking about. It's my favorite PJs, what's left of them anyway, and I want to be comfortable in the hereafter.
Please make sure the undertaker DOESN'T put makeup on my old, wrinkley-ass face because you know how I hate makeup. I'll want to show a lot of leg because that's my best feature, so open the casket all the way.
Also, please get Danny to do my hair one last time. I know he's a bit of a drama queen, and it'll probably be his time of the month, but please just do it because he's the hair whisperer.
During the burial please serve cocktails and lots of chocolate cupcakes and cookies with butter cream frosting (NOT fondant because I hate that crap), and Virginia Slim menthols, and give everyone a memorial Bic lighter with printed on it because marketing, yo.
The people who elected not to go to the cemetery will feel even worse for not going and missing the goodies. Also, I've already written my obit which you'll find in the third drawer down on the left-hand side in my bathroom. Please ignore the other stuff in that drawer. Hopefully, this will not take place for a loooong time, but just in case these are my wishes.
I love to be in my PJs 24/7 if I can get away with it. My name is Dana Starr and this is my website, y'all. I have no grandchildren. I have a website. Such is life.
On this website, I expound on things like food, travel, drink, tv, movies, music, books, tiny things which fascinate me, relationships, the eternal search for the perfect haircut, my own fiction and non-fiction stories, and whatever else strikes my fancy.
Thankfully, I got over myself several years ago. Now, I just have fun and don't take myself or life too seriously.
To quote Lady Gaga, "Basically I can't sleep without every single song I'm writing repeating endlessly, but I'm loving it again. Embracing the torture, as I'm assaulted by my own thoughts."
I feel just like Lady Gaga. I'm assaulted by my own thoughts. To get the thoughts out of my head, I write them here for my own amusement. If you can dig it, great. If not, great.
Oh, and there might be cussing. I'll try to keep it clean, but I make no promises. Don't worry. You ain't gonna die from reading an occasional cuss word. I promise.
Thanks for your time. Enjoy.
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Need a Dynamic Guest Speaker?
Look no further. I would love to speak to your organization about how to survive and thrive with an addict in your family. I do not speak from a clinical perspective. I speak from a very personal perspective.
How do you parent a child who is abusing drugs? How does your marriage withstand the trauma? How do you get up and go to work every day when you don't even know where your child is living? These are a few of the questions I answer with brutal honesty, and a touch of humor and hope.
I have over three decades of speaking experience in front of small to large groups. I also speak about writing/blogging with humor, and empowering careers for females in the field of communications.
Have your people get in touch with my people. Ha. I don't have people, but you can send me a message through social media or email me at email@example.com.
This is how my family celebrated Easter. My brother and I recreated a 55-year-old picture. We haven't changed that much.