by Dana Starr
Put one Froot Loop in your mouth. Take one small sip of milk through a straw. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.
Catherine Keener ain't the only old broad with a double chin. This is the correct way to hide two chins. You're welcome.
No Spoilers No Spoilers No Spoilers No Spoilers
I must give major props to Jordan Peele. I've known him only as the slightly chubby half of the comedy duo known as Key & Peele. He wrote and directed this very clever movie, and thanks to him, I now have a new way to eat Froot Loops: put one Froot Loop in your mouth. Take a small sip of milk through a straw. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.
From this point forward, this is how I will eat Froot Loops, Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch, and Apple Jacks; however, I will not have the patience to do it with Rice Krispies. Due to my extreme love of sugar, at some point in the not-too-distant future, I will no longer have teeth to chew with, but until that time I will enjoy all the sweet goodness of a wide variety of breakfast cereals in this fashion.
Lil Rey Howery, who plays Rod (the buddy to Chris, played by Daniel Kaluuya) needs to win ALL THE AWARDS. When he says, "T S mother F*****g A -- I 'bout fell into my HUGE vat of buttered popcorn. Catherine Keener, one of my favorite actresses, now has a double chin. I know it's mean and petty of me to point that out, but it just made me happy to know I'm not the only one who has been eating sugary cereals by the spoonfuls. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why the female detective looked so familiar. I googled her on my phone, after the movie and not during because I'm not a rude a-hole, and come to find out the detective is played by Erika Alexander who played Max on "Living Single." I used to ship Max and Kyle back in the day so it was good to see her again even though I didn't recognize her.
I enjoyed the movie and I recommend it. Now, for the bitching part of this post because you know I have to bitch every single solitary time I go out in public where there are people. To the two old farts who chose to sit right in front of me and The Spousal Unit (also two old farts) even though there was a ton of empty seats in the theater: y'all can kiss my ample ass. I asked the female fart to PLEASE turn off her phone after she turned it on to check for text messages at least half a dozen times.
As if that wasn't enough, the male fart's phone rang four times and it never occurred to the genius to TURN OFF THE DAMN PHONE. To the people who should have been supervising the ten young hellions running amok up and down the stairs while I'm trying to concentrate during the denouement of the movie: WTF??? To the sweet gal who sold me the HUGE vat of popcorn and large soda because it actually cost me one dollar less than the small vat of popcorn and small soda: may you never take your own advice and end up with two chins like Catherine Keener and me.