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  • Writer's pictureDana Starr

Nibble on That

I'm exhausted. It's been a full day of TV watching, and it ain't over yet. I saved the best for last: the mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead.

"If you have to eat shit it's best not to nibble." That's some sound advice, y'all. BAHAHAHA. How much do I love the writing on this show? The man who uttered that profound advice, and a bunch of his greasy companions, just got wiped off the face of the earth by Daryl. That was quite satisfying; however, Daryl's angel wing, on his leather vest, is bleeding now. That's some Federico Fellini shit right there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our gang is covered in guts and walking through a horde of the undead. There's the annoying pale, pudgy kid. I just can't with that kid. Preacher dood is taking Lil Ass Kicker, and has pledged to keep her safe in the church while the others lead the walkers away; you know, because he's been so reliable up to this point.

Thank God, Carol is okay. I've been so worried. Eugene still has his righteous mullet. I've also been so worried about his mullet. Blah, blah, blah ... lots of talk about love and stuff. This is very angsty, and boring. Ima go to the fridge during this part because it's time for a Weight Watchers fudgesicle.

Pale, pudgy kid is freaking out. Bad timing on his part. He got himself, and his mom killed. Oh well. Pale, pudgy kid's brother (I think they WERE related, but I'm not sure and don't really care) is aiming a gun at Rick. He's apparently got an ax to grind, as they say. Michonne knifes pale, pudgy kid's brother in the back, inadvertently causing the brother to shoot the gun at Carl who is now missing an eye. That's got to sting. I hope they can find some Bactine somewhere. Damn, Carl lost his hat which used to be Rick's hat. So, now he's missing his eye, and his hat. He's not having a good day; he could probably use a huge can of chocolate pudding to cheer himself up, or maybe just one Weight Watchers fudgesicle because he doesn't need to develop complicated issues with food. That's some sound advice from one who has complicated issues with food.

Morgan has his stick. I wish he'd stick that stick where the sun don't shine. Carol just told him that she should've killed him. WORD. Carol just killed the dood with the really bad teeth and the W on his forehead. Carol ain't playin', y'all. Michonne, Rick and one-eyed Carl just made it to the infirmary. Rick decided to go back outside with an ax in his hand. That might not be a good idea.

Apparently, Rick has a death wish, but Michonne and some other people I don't really know are trying to rescue him. Errybody is killin' walkers, even Morgan and the pussy preacher dood. Glenn, with two Ns, is drawing the walkers away from pregnant Maggie who has been trapped up in a guard tower this whole damn time. Looks like he might be a goner, but we all know he has nine lives. Yep, Sasha and The Ginger show up with machine guns to save the day, although all this fighting is actually happening at night.

Whoa, break out the weenies and let's have a weenie roast cause Daryl just started a HUGE lake-of-fire to attract the walkers and it's workin'. He has saved the day, or I should say night. The walkers are just walkin' right into the fire. Walkers be dumb. It's mornin' and there's a helluva lot of dead walkers. I'd hate to have to clean up that mess, but Carl is alive, and Alexandria has been saved. Now, it's time for another Weight Watchers fudgesicle. My fourth one of the day, which, of course, kinda defeats the whole purpose of eating Weight Watchers to start with. Dana be dumb.

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