10. Eating and making small talk with strangers on the Viking Prestige multiple times a day for multiple days is hella boring, so that's why I eat a lot of dark chocolate and drink a lot of white wine. It makes me a more interesting person. Also, a fatter and more hungover person.
9. Navigating many locks while sailing the Danube is tedious, and also basically an engineer’s wet dream.
8. Playing chess is hella boring, and apparently takes hours because that's how long this young couple has been playing.
7. It's time to put the damn fork down when even your “fat” pants aren’t fat enough. I've decided to eat nothing all day but a Ritz cracker with a glob of something creamy on it and half of a black olive on top.
6. You can make even boring, bad news sound awesome if you’re Sasha, the program director on the Viking Prestige. This guy is the hardest working man in show business. He has to be happy and upbeat ALL THE TIME, even when he's telling you that it's going to rain the entire time you're in Budapest.
5. I can't escape the infernal wind. It's just as windy in Hungary as it is in Lubbock, Texas. Check out the flag on the stern of the boat. Check me out, using words like stern of the boat.
4. Even jet setting cosmopolitan folks like me have to stop being fabulous for five minutes to load their pill box.
3. The rain finally stops and the light shines upon the trees along the riverbank while you eat your Ritz cracker and you know life is wonderful.
2. You get to watch The Sound of Music for the 358th time.
1. You get to sail spectacularly into Budapest at night and see all this:
