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  • Writer's pictureDana Starr

We're On Easy Street

OMG, TWD is kicking my OCD into overdrive right now, and that's making me stressed AF, and that is making me want to eat ALL THE FOOD, ALL THE TIME. I'm two episodes behind. I just watched the most current episode, and I should really just go to bed because I've had about three hours of sleep in the past 24 hours and that's ridiculous. I look and act like a walker myself because no sleep will do that to a person. Oh well, I guess there will be plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead, UNLESS I turn into an actual walker and then what happens??? Do walkers sleep?

Okay, I'll stop asking questions so we can just get on with it. Here's a very short recap, from memory, of season seven/episode two: CAROL. That's all you need to know. Well, there was a little more to it than that, but basically the episode revolved around Carol which basically made me extremely happy because basically she is my favorite, basically. She and Morgan are in some place called "The Kingdom," and she is in a wheelchair because something happened to her at the end of last season. I can't remember what happened to her because it has been too long ago and it doesn't matter anyway, basically. Morgan is pushing her around in the wheelchair, and he is starting to grow on me. Of course, he is still in possession of that damn stick, but whatever.

The people of The Kingdom are ruled by a king named Ezekiel and he is magnificent. He has a head FULL OF AWESOME GRAY DREADS. I want gray dreads, but I'm not patient enough to let my hair grow for eleventy hundred years. He keeps a tiger, named Shiva, as a pet. King Ezekiel's right-hand man is Jerry, and I think I might be in love with him. Jerry is a very chill dude. Anyhoo, when Carol meets Ezekiel she says, "I don't know what the hell is going on in the most wonderful way." I love that line; it's sooo Carol. I plan to use that line as often as possible in real life.

The people of The Kingdom are under Negan's thumb. Isn't everyone? They capture feral pigs, and fatten the pigs with walkers before giving the rotten bacon/pork chops to Negan's people. Can you say diarrhea? Also, it turns out that King Ezekiel was a zookeeper/community theater actor before the walker apocalypse. He has a commanding voice and presence, and he's easy on the eyes. I think he may have a bit of a crush on Carol, and I think I like that idea very much.

Moving on, it's time for season seven/episode three. Here we go: Dog food sandwiches? YUCK. Oh damn, Daryl is being held captive, nekkid, in the dark, and the dog food sandwiches are for him. They look a bit dry to me, and the man who delivers them (Dwight, who is NOT easy on the eyes thanks to Negan) never gives Daryl a glass of lemonade, or a Snapple, or fruit-infused water, or anything at all to drink. RUDE.

Daryl's also being tortured because he's being forced to listen to loud music 24/7. It's the same song, "We're On Easy Street," over and over and over and over. I'm just gonna go ahead and quote every single teenager who ever appeared on the Rate-A-Record segment of American Bandstand -- "It's got a good beat, and you can dance to it." Rest assured, Daryl ain't in no mood to dance.

The dog food, the music, the being nekkid, and the dark is all designed to get him to bend to Negan's will. Dwight keeps telling him to stop torturing himself, and just do what Negan wants, but Daryl being Daryl, he's not going to do that. He escapes from confinement near the end of the episode, but it was a set up to see if he'd try to escape, so of course he's caught almost immediately. Being the genius I am, I knew it was a set up and I kept screaming at the TV, but it did no good.

Speaking of my great intellect, last week I said that Negan reminded me of The Wicked Witch of the West, and from what I've seen of this episode I WAS RIGHT. Dwight clearly is upset and suppressing rage at being forced to be Negan's slave, just like the flying monkeys were upset at The Wicked Witch of the West. Also, Dwight had to give up his wife to Negan. I think her name is Sherry, but I wasn't paying that much attention, so don't quote me on that. I don't understand how Negan is not dead by the hands of his own people, but I can assure you that Dwight wants him dead. I'll not be one bit surprised if Dwight and Daryl don't eventually team up to kill Negan.

This was kind of a slow episode. Other stuff happened, but I told you the main parts, and now I'm all caught up which means my OCD can give it a rest, and maybe I can catch some ZZZZZZZs now. The only problem is that I have that damn easy street song in my head. I can't stop singing these words: We're on easy street, and it feels so sweet cause the world is but a treat when you're on easy street.

Click on the link to enjoy the tune for yourself, but BEWARE cause you ain't gonna get it out of your head either. Don't blame me.

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