Take My Word For It

If you came here from Facebook, save yourself some time and scroll to the bottom to find the answers I promised you. If you have no idea what I'm going on about, this is a movie review of Weapons. Please note that there are spoilers at the bottom.

It's going to take some time before I eat Campbell's chicken noodle soup again. That's because I just watched Weapons, and if you know, you know. If you don't know, then you can take my word for it, or not.

My word starts with a B, and it describes about 75% of the lengthy movie. You might be thinking that the word is BAD. That's not the word. The word is BORING.

I'll freely admit that I have the attention span of a two-year-old. I've written eight sentences of this nonsense, and it has taken me 45 minutes because I got up once to make myself some tea, and then, when I sat back down, I noticed a cardinal in the tree outside my office window. I got up again to get my phone so I could take a picture of the bird. When I got back to my office, the bird was gone, but I noticed that I'd missed several text messages. I replied to each message in great detail. One of the messages needed an accompanying picture that also required some slight editing. I could go on, but at this point, I'm sure you get the picture.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Weapons is not a bad movie. Also, it's not a good movie, and it pains me to write that because I really wanted to like it.

The cast is great. I will never not watch a movie starring Julia Garner. And, there's another great actress in the movie. It took me about five mind-boggling minutes to identify her. You know how when you see someone and you know that you know them, but you just can't think of their name? Her voice is what finally did it for me. If you want to know her name then scroll to the bottom under the SPOILERS section.

Weapons is a horror movie. I don't generally like horror movies because I don't like jump scares or gore. The gore factor is low, so that was good. There was a handful of jump scares, but only two made me actually jump.

There were at least two plot holes that I noticed. One hole was big enough to drive a motorcycle through. The other hole was big enough to drive an 18-wheeler through. There were probably more than two, but if you want to know about the two plot holes, go to the SPOILERS section.

The premise is intriguing and mysterious. When the movie concentrated on solving the mystery, it was good and kept my attention. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of that. You don't have to take my word for it. The two young people (probably around 20 years old) who I sat next to agreed with me about it being mostly boring. You can take my word for that.

If you've already watched The Hunting Wives on Netflix and you just want to get out of the house and eat some movie popcorn, then, by all means, go see Weapons. If not, then you have my permission to wait and watch it when it eventually makes its way to one of the streaming services.

The following old movies have some things in common with Weapons: The Exorcist; To Sir, With Love; Rosemary's Baby; Field of Dreams; and Suddenly, Last Summer. Yes, I know that's weird. You know what you have to do if you want to know the things the movies have in common with Weapons.

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1.) The name of the actress I couldn't immediately identify is Amy Madigan.

2.) The small plot hole is early on in the movie. It involves a scene in front of the house where the young boy lives. He is the only child not missing from his class, yet there is apparently no police surveillance at all. No hidden cameras. No undercover cops lurking in unmarked vehicles. The house looks creepy with the windows obscured and the yard overgrown. Many kids are missing, but no one thinks it's essential to keep an eye on the house even after a few weeks have passed. Also, was there no search of the house immediately after learning the children were missing? That was unbelievable to me. The large plot hole is near the end of the movie, where we see the missing kids running to the creepy house in the middle of the night. It was unbelievable that doorbell cameras captured some of the kids leaving their homes. Still, no doorbell cameras in the neighborhood with the creepy house recorded any of the many kids running through the neighborhood.

3.) The Exorcist and Weapons both make great use of soup (pea soup and chicken noodle soup). To Sir, With Love and Weapons both have scenes set in a school. Rosemary's Baby and Weapons both feature a creepy "old" lady who is bad news. Field of Dreams and Weapons both star Amy Madigan. She knocks it out of the park in both drastically different performances. Suddenly, Last Summer and Weapons both have similar endings involving a vicious, swarming attack. If you know, you know.

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