When did it become not okay to be not okay? This is a serious question, and I'd really like to know the answer. I'm not okay 100% of the time. Sometimes I'm angry; sometimes I'm sad; sometimes I'm cranky; sometimes I'm disappointed; sometimes I'm all of the above and that highly offends some people. Why? I'm just not clear when it became a bad thing to have an authentic bad feeling. When did it become not okay to be anything less than 100% positive, enthusiastic and inspirational?
Maybe this trend started with the publication of I'm Okay - You're Okay in the early 70s. My mom owned that book, and I found it one day while snooping in her room. I was looking for something racy to read, but I found the self-help book and attempted to read it. I didn't get past the third page. I can remember thinking I'm NOT okay and you're even more not okay. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but most self-help books don't make a lot of sense to me. I have well meaning friends who have given me expensive self-help books, tapes, DVDs, CDs, etc. and all I can say is please knock it off. If you want to buy me something, I would much prefer something racy or something chocolate. I'm just sayin'.
I enjoy keeping up with family and friends on Facebook, but what I don't enjoy is being bombarded with positive, inspirational messages telling me things like: Live every moment. Well, okay. If I didn't live every moment, I'd be dead. You can either regret or rejoice. Really? That's weird because I can actually do both at the same time. You're never given anything in this world that you can't handle. Wrong. I've been given lots of crap that I can't handle. I could give you a loooong list of crap, but I can't handle that. If you can dream it, you can do it. I call BS. For years I dreamed I would be Mrs. Donny Osmond. I'm not Mrs. Donny Osmond. Hell, I never even met Donny Osmond so WTH???? I know, I know I'm being facetious and annoying and irritating and I'm giving you bad feelings, but I'm not sorry. Feel your feelings. All the feelings, good and bad. It's okay. It's really okay.
Nope, I'm not Mrs. Donny Osmond, and I'm sure as hell not Mrs. Dr. Phil McGraw. I saw this supposed quote from her on Facebook and almost lost my shit: "If you cannot be positive, then at least be quite." REALLY????? Would she have said that to Jewish people in the Hitler era? Obviously, I understand that I'm taking her quote too literally, but there's almost nothing that gets my panties in a twist more than being told that I can only express myself in a way that you are comfortable with. I don't like censorship.
I'm aware that many of you are going to be very, very uncomfortable with what I'm saying. Some of you reading this right now are incredibly positive, inspirational people and I love you very much, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to kick you in the cooter. I can't help it. I've always been a glass is half empty kinda gal. The kinda gal who rolls her eyes at most of what Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Phil has to say. I guess I was born this way. I never related to the Shirley Temples of the world, but Wednesday from The Addams Family could've been my twin. Besides, you can't really have a Marcia without a Jan. Just to be clear, I'm NOT Marcia. I'm the whiner and complainer. My Indian name is She Who Bitches.
I've been in the Bitcher's Hall of Fame for years. I'm not really proud of this fact. As a matter of fact, I have tried hard through the years to stop this nonsense because I know it's incredibly annoying; however, I've discovered that bitching is very much like riding a bike ... once you learn how, you basically never forget how to do it. Bitching is so exhausting, but that doesn't stop me from doing it. Last weekend, The Spousal Unit and I stayed at a great hotel, but all I could do was bitch about the fact that my pillow was too soft. Yes, I said too soft. There are people battling cancer and hunger and homelessness and I'm all over here bitching about my pillow.
Can you just imagine living with my bitching throughout history:
"Let them eat cake," said Marie Antoinette.
"Not without some ice cream," said She Who Bitches.
"Hey, let's get on this ship and sail to the New World," said Christopher Columbus.
"Well, not until you do something about all these damn waves," I said.
"Dana, please hand me the thread. I feel like sewing a flag today," said Betsy Ross.
"Seriously? You're using those atrocious colors?" I asked.
"Let's see what happens when we tie a key to this kite," said Ben Franklin.
"No, not right now. We need to go inside because all this wind is messing up my hair," said You Know Who.
"Will you help me tinker around with this circuit board?" asked Steve Wozniak. "I think we could make something out of this."
"I can't right now. I'm really tired and need a nap. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night," I replied.
Well, I could make historical references all day, but it's too pretty outside to sit here bitching about my bitching. Of course, by late this afternoon it will be hotter than hell. So, let's all get out there and have a great day. It will be great until the mosquitoes come out at dusk. You see, I just can't help myself. I am what I am. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments on this subject, through email@example.com or Facebook, but remember you can't express yourself unless you're going to be 100% positive, enthusiastic, and inspirational. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.