Thin Mint Madness
Updated: Apr 9, 2021
I fell off the wagon today, HARD. The day started off, innocently enough, at approximately
10:30 am ... Spousal Unit gently urges me to get out of bed.
10:45 am ... Spousal Unit strongly urges me to get out of bed.
11:00 am ... I start thinking about getting out of bed.
11:15 am ... I struggle out of bed.
12:00 pm ... Spousal Unit, in his car, and I, in my car, head to the gym.
12:30 pm ... Begin vigorous workout.
12:36 pm ... End vigorous workout.
12:37 pm ... Visit with fellow gym rats while toweling off and enjoying refreshing beverage.
1:06 pm ... Rendezvous with Spousal Unit at Jazz, our favorite luncheon hangout.
1:43 pm ... Finish scrumptious stir fry and visit with Diane, the owner of Jazz.
This is where the day starts to go wrong. Very wrong. The details are a bit fuzzy, but I do remember Diane saying the words, "I have Girl Scout cookies in my car."
The next thing I knew, I was following Diane to her car and trying not to make eye contact with my fellow diners. A slight sheen formed on my upper lip and my heart beat like a kettle drum. My ten-year break from Thin Mint madness crumbled into A Million Little Pieces. Yes, that's an intentional James Frey reference. Look it up.
As Diane popped the trunk, she told me about her daughter who would be able to attend Girl Scout camp because of the dirty money made feeding my addiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah ... whatever, just give me the Thin Mints.
At that point, the Spousal Unit took his leave. He wanted no part of what was going down. That was fine by me. I intended to take my two boxes and sit in my car all by myself and eat at least one sleeve before I pulled out of the parking lot. I think we all know I never intended to stop at one sleeve or two boxes or two cases. That's what addiction is, and every addict really believes he/she can control the madness. Yeah, right.
Now, before you get all butt-hurt about my seemingly light-hearted attitude about addiction, please know this - addiction is EVIL. Addiction destroys the lives of individuals and families. Addiction is the dEVIL and Thin Mints are the dEVIL and the dEVIL made me do it.