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  • Writer's pictureDana Starr

What a Wonderful World

I rolled over in the bed at 5:45 this morning and instinctively reached for my Ipad. I wasn’t even fully awake, but I had to check to see if I had internet service. I watched the tiny blue line at the top of the page. The line that indicates I’m entering THE WORLD (the worldwide web, I mean). I was very excited. My heart beats faster and my mind shifts into fully awake mode. I’m thinking this is it. The past 48 hours have just been a bad dream and now it’s all over. Now I will have internet service, and I can put this entire ugly episode behind me. The line is moving to the right. Yes, yes, yes. It’s happening. I’m already thinking of a million things I want to say when I’m finally online; a million thoughts; a million tiny details; a million emotions; a million feelings. This is so intense.

The line stops moving, and my soul is crushed. The line is not even an inch long and it stops. The WORLD stops. I know exactly what this means. It means another day of being in purgatory with my service provider. I have called them so many times, I’m actually starting to like the horrid music that plays constantly during the hours and hours and hours I’ve been on hold. I wonder who picked that particular music. What was it exactly that appealed to them? It’s hard to tell. It’s a catchy little tune. Not fast, but not slow. Not happy, but not sad. It’s very short. Maybe 20 seconds and then it repeats over and over and over and over. It’s what I imagine hell will be like. Hell will not be hot. Hell has no devil. Hell is just this: waiting for all eternity for a real person to pick up the phone, and listening to the same music forever.

Yesterday, I actually spoke to a real person not once, but twice. Each time I got so excited that I almost dropped the phone. The first call ended badly, and I’ll not belittle myself by recounting the details here. Let’s just say that the man on the other end of the line had no intention of doing to himself what I suggested he do to himself. It wasn’t my proudest moment. Later in the day, I spoke to a very kind man. His soft voice was like a balm to my tortured soul. Dr. Phil has nothing on this guy. I could have stayed on the phone with Larry all day. Larry completely gets me. Larry understands that I will die if I have no internet. Larry is also full of shit. It doesn’t matter if I cuss or I cry. I’m not getting internet service.

This world is a wonderful place. As I write this, people are having heart surgery. Doctors are cracking chests open, removing hearts, putting in new hearts and sewing chests back up. Women are delivering babies. Astronauts are floating around in space. Cooks are making bacon, egg and cheese biscuits. Someone just hit the jackpot in Las Vegas. What am I doing? I’m not inventing the cure for cancer. I’m not helping little old ladies to cross the street. I’m not donating to the poor. I’m writing my blog. That’s what I’m doing. I’m trying to decide if I should use a colon or a semi-colon.

In the grand scheme of things my blog is pretty insignificant; however, it’s important to me. My mother will read this and maybe a couple of other people who simply have nothing better to do. I have no problem with that. I’m not writing so that a million people will read what I write. I’m writing because I have to. I have no other choice. I suppose it’s the same reason a doctor is a doctor; an astronaut is an astronaut; a mother is a mother; a cook is a cook; a gambler is a gambler.

I read lots of blogs. Some are good and some are great and some are really not. At least 90% of the blogs I read offer some sort of lesson/hope/inspiration/spiritual message. About 8% are trying to sell me something. The remaining 2% are my favorite. Those are the blogs like mine. Those blogs aren’t trying to inspire me or sell me or teach me. Those are the blogs that just are. Those blogs are written by people just like me: People simply wanting to connect with the world one person at a time.

That’s what I want to do, but I can’t. I have no internet connection. I think I’ll pack up my laptop and head on over to McDonalds. I can get free internet there which means I can talk to the world while eating a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit at the same time. I mean seriously, that’s pretty damn wonderful.

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