top of page
  • Writer's pictureDana Starr

Did You Eat My Peanut Butter Protein Bar?

Oh my holy hell. I waited an ENTIRE DAY to watch the season premiere of TWD and now this freaking website has decided to take an hour and a half to load. SERIOUSLY???? WTF???? Why does stuff like this happen AT THE WORST FREAKING TIME???? Anyway, here we go: Rick is acting LIKE A BOSS and the walkers are doing what???? What is happening??? Something is going on, but I have no idea what. It looks very cool though. This is supposed to be a dry run?? What does that mean???

The walkers are coming, and now the theme song. Bear McCreary is sooo talented. He wrote the music for this and for Battlestar Galactica which was the BEST TV SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TV. Commercial time, and I already need a break. There's the politician lady with the priest. I don't like either one of them. The ginger is drankin' again. Oh, Maggie's hair has grown. I liked it better when it was short. There's mullet guy and he actually has a smile on his face. The kids are playing with fire, literally. I think Daryl is eating pork and beans. Rick is gonna need a shower. He probably smells worse than a walker.

They are executing some kind of plan, but I'm completely in the dark here. Some of this is in color and then some of it is in black and white. That must mean something, but I don't know what just yet. I really don't want to use my brain right now. I'm too tired from traveling which is why I didn't watch this on Sunday.

Damn, Daryl still needs a haircut. We obviously have two different timelines going on here. This is confusing. Rick is having a civil conversation with the dude he met in the very first episode. We just met Heath who has a very cool hairdo. He just threatened to beat Eugene's ass. Who the hell is Holly? There's a bunch of new characters and I can't keep everybody straight. Ha, Eugene just gave Heath props for his hair. I see a friendship blossoming there.

Seriously, Rick looks so good from behind. I don't even care what he smells like because he is prettay. He's a little bow-legged, too. Here comes Deanna. She's dressed all in black. Where's Carol? I haven't seen her yet, and she's my favorite. Oh, new dude just accused Michonne of taking his peanut butter protein bar. Say that real fast ten times. She said no; she didn't take his peanut butter protein bar. And, frankly she's not digging his attitude. I don't blame her. New dude has a name: it's Morgan. He thinks he knows Rick, but Rick just informed Morgan that he doesn't know him. I mean he knows him, but he doesn't really know him, you know?? Oh snap, there's tons and tons of walkers at the bottom of a ravine; they appear to be trapped. Can you just imagine the smell of thousands of walkers???!!! Who is this teenage boy? More damn commercials.

Daryl is slowly leading tons of walkers down the road on his motorcycle. He has good balance. The teenage boy is Ron and he wants to know where his dad is buried. His dad must have been the doctor Rick had to kill at the end of last season. Rick just told Ron that he can't make it outside the community. Way to state the obvious, Rick.

Glen has to make a bunch of trapped walkers be quiet, so that all the walkers following Daryl will not hear the noise and stray from the path. Are you following this? Good, because I'm not.

There's Carol. She's still looking like a soccer mom with her pearl earrings and her little sweater. Of course, we all know she's a BAMF. Rick is explaining to the community that the trapped walkers at the bottom of the ravine are making so much noise that they are attracting more walkers. They are making a plan to get rid of the walkers in the ravine.

The episode isn't even half over, and two days have passed since I started this nonsense and it's 2 in the morning and I'm wired and no one told me that yesterday was "NO BRA DAY" and now I'm mad because I wore a bra the entire day and half the night and I didn't even have to and this is a really, really long sentence. I should stop drinking so much caffeine so late at night.

Okay, let's get on with this before it's time for the next episode. I'm gonna finish this or die tryin'. I can sleep when I'm dead if I don't turn into a walker.

Big forehead guy ain't lovin' the plan and he's bitchin', but the plan is working and the walkers are moving away from the community. So far, so good.

I got a bad feeling that Glen ain't gonna make it. I don't want him to die. He's still alive, and he killed a bunch of walkers, so now they can't make noise and screw up the plan. Of course, he had help, but he's still the hero and ya know sometimes this show likes to kill the hero.

Damn, big forehead guy is talking about killin' Rick. Ain't gonna happen, and Rick just schooled big forehead guy. Now they're shaking hands. They'll probably be going steady soon. Well hell, big forehead guy just got bit by a zombie, and now he's screwing up the whole plan by screaming like a little girl.

Speaking of little girls, there's lil ass kicker and she has grown. She has chubby cheeks, just like me. Rick has to kill big forehead guy after all. I wish this would hurry up and be over because it's making my stomach hurt. I wonder how all the walkers manage to keep their shoes tied all this time????

NOOO. There's a loud noise making the walkers stray off the path. NOOOO. Now all the walkers are heading for Alexandria/the community and that's where Carol is and lil ass kicker and Carl and his potential girlfriend. Why? Why does this show do this to me???? I bet you a box of donuts that the damn priest dude has something to do with the loud noise. Hopefully, we'll find out next week, and errybody will have to give me a box of donuts. I want Krispy Kremes.

6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page