Don't have that third apple ale. Don't do it, I said to myself. But I did it. Don't finish that box of Triscuit left over from election night. But I did it. Don't get on Facebook and tell people how miserable you've been since election night. But I did it. I just can't help myself. I'm my own worst enemy, kinda like Daryl Dixon.
Here we go with episode three of season seven -- OOOOH, this hurts my heart already. Rick and Michonne are sleeping back-to-back. That's what old, married couples do, and they ain't an old married couple, yet. I'm just sayin'. Michonne seems majorly worried, but she gets up and straps her katana (I had to look up that word) to her body and GETS A BIG ASS WEAPON OUT OF ITS HIDING PLACE IN THE FIREPLACE. WTH???? Unbeknownst to her, Rick was watching her. Let me just say that their house is AMAZEBALLS. I want their house with the dark, hardwood floors and the Pottery Barn furniture, but I think I'd have to have some curtains over those windows. I likes my privacy. Michonne is such a bad ass. She's standing guard on top of a rusted out vehicle in the middle of a field. She didn't have no shower, or Pop-Tart or nothin'.
Eugene is having a moment, and I don't blame him. I can relate. I've had a moment or two myself, lately. Oh hell, here's Negan and Lucille. They ain't gettin' a cordial welcome. Of course, Negan and Lucille are not alone. Negan brought a ton of his people AND DARYL, who looks like crap.
BAHAHAHAHA. Negan is funny. I'll give him that. He's a sadistic bastard, but he's funny. He just said, "You are creepy as shit," to Father Gabriel. I've said that about Father Gabriel myself on more than one occasion. Rick and Our Gang are letting Negan think that Maggie is dead, but we all know she's not. Carl is trying to be a bad ass which is not a good idea.
BAHAHAHAHA. Negan just pointed out to Rick that there's a fat lady in charge of the rations. Negan is not politically correct because he doesn't have to be, kinda like someone else I know. He's just tellin' it like it is, and that's always fun. amiright or amiright???? You can like it or not. He gives no f#@ks, kinda like someone else I know.
The Fat Lady maintains an inventory of all weapons and two are missing. Rick and Our Gang are made to account for the missing weapons or the Fat Lady is dead. Rick finds the missing weapons -- and food and booze -- hidden in Spencer's house. Spencer can be a bit of a douche.
Rick and Michonne are having a moment. He wants her to give up the BIG ASS WEAPON that she took out of hiding in the fireplace. Rick talks her into it. She does it, and Neegan is very happy. He says, "Good for you, Rick. This is reading the room and getting the message."
THE BIG ASS WEAPON wasn't part of the inventory; Rick didn't have to tell Negan about it, but he must at least appear to be cooperating with the sadist who is great at mind games. As John Lennon sang, "So keep on playing those mind games together." Negan had Rick carry Lucille for him throughout most of the episode. He also told Daryl he could stay in Alexandria, but Daryl declined. More mind games.
The episode was 90 minutes long. Frankly, my attention span ain't that long, but I do remember that more stuff happened. Dwight took Daryl's motorcycle, and Negan's people took everyone's mattresses. At the end of the 90 minutes, Michonne discovers all the mattresses on fire in the forest. More mind games.