Pissed off and disappointed. I'm both those things. I'm pissappointed.
I'm typing this with one hand because the other hand is stuck in a Pringles can and I can't get it out. It's four in the afternoon. I haven't brushed my hair or my teeth today; however, I did remember to take my Zoloft before I got my hand stuck so there's that. I'm sitting on my couch in my PJs with a Pringles can on my hand. Does life get any better?
Of course, life gets better. Even I know that, and I haven't yet finished reading "Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis. Actually, I have no intention of finishing it. I don't know why I bought it. I suppose I wanted to see what all the hype is about. Rachel is everything I'm not. No, I'm not going to type a long list of her attributes for you because then I'd have to go take another Zoloft and I really don't want to get off the couch. Plus, I can't open the pill bottle with only one hand.
Let me just say Rachel is hugely successful. Her book is a New York Times best seller. I didn't even manage to make it to round three of the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Contest thanks to scoring one lousy point behind some nincompoop named Carl from Brooklyn.
Rachel is only slightly behind Carl on my List of Pissappointment. Her super cute book with the super cute title features her super cute self sitting next to a fire hydrant artfully spewing water on her. I could just picture myself sitting in the same spot by the hydrant with a dog artfully peeing on me. Yes, I'm being facetious. Yes, Rachel would be upset with me. She'd tell me to stop it. She'd say, "Girl, get that Pringles can off your hand and wash the pee off your face." And, she would be right.
That's the thing. She's not wrong in her book. She's only saying things fabulous people have been saying for forever; such as, “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are. Our words have power, but our actions shape our lives. Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. You must choose to be happy, grateful, and fulfilled. If you make that choice every single day, regardless of where you are or what’s happening, you will be happy. When you really want something, you will find a way. When you don’t really want something, you’ll find an excuse. You were not made to be small. You are not a little girl. You are a grown woman, and it’s time you grew up.”
This is good stuff, but it's not new stuff. Oprah Winfrey has said it. Brene Brown has said it. Elizabeth Gilbert has said it. Dr. Phil has said it. Dale Carnegie has said it. Deepak Chopra has said it. Hell, even I've said it and ain't nobody tryin' to give me big bucks, my own TV show, a book contract, or my own magazine with my face on the cover, minus my jowls.
Jowls - another thing on my List of Pissappointment, right behind double chin and not being Mrs. Donny Osmond.
In all seriousness, I'm blessed. I know I'm blessed. And I know a lot of you reading this right now are suffering. Not Pringles stuck on your hand suffering, but truly suffering. I have no pithy words of wisdom to offer. I'm no Rachel or Oprah or Brene or Elizabeth. I'm just me with jowls, a double chin and a long, long list of pissappointments.
There is one thing I can offer and that's encouragement. I ain't no quitter. As long as I'm breathing, I'll keep trying to do my very best even if some days my very best is only me with dirty hair sitting on my couch in my PJs with a Pringles can stuck on my hand.
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